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Friday, June 2, 2017

How to Stop Fighting in Front of Your Kids

It is easy for a fight to break out over the littlest things when you have been with your partner for a number of years. We all go through good times and bad times, and we all have those periods when we seem to be arguing a lot more than usual. However, when you have children, and they see you arguing all of the time, it is certainly not a good thing. Fighting in front of your kids can cause them unnecessary worry, stem their development, and make them nervous. Even if you know there aren’t any serious problems, that isn’t going to translate to your little one when they see you fighting all of the time. So, how do you stop fighting in front of your kids?

Walk away

This is the easiest solution, but it is often the hardest. If your partner starts an argument with you, walk away. Impulses can be difficult to control, but if you have your children at the front of your mind, you will be more likely to resist the urge to argue back. 

Speak to your partner

Talk to your partner about the fact that you are worried your arguments could be having a negative impact on the children and that you don’t want them to see you fight anymore. Tell them that you know an argument will be inevitable at some stage and that you aren’t saying this to blame them, but that you both need to come up with a way to ensure you don’t argue in front of your kids. For example, you could decide on a visual cue with your spouse. When one of you feels an argument coming, you can use the visual cue to signal that you need to take a deep breath and save it for when the kids are not about.

Know when to seek help 

You may tell yourself that these are just ‘little’ arguments and they mean nothing, but do you really believe that? If your relationship has become toxic, you need to seek help. Help can mean many different things to many different people. You may need to see a relationship therapist to get to the bottom of the problem. Or, perhaps you know that you or your partner has an unhealthy addiction and that’s why they are lashing out all of the time. Remember, people can get addicted to anything, from exercise to spending money. Any type of addiction will impact someone’s mood and cause arguments. You can refer to addiction resources for further assistance. Or, maybe your partner has done something to you, and you simply can’t let it go? If there is a serious root cause of the problem, now would be the time to get to the bottom of it. 

Repair the damage

Despite your good intentions, there may be a time when you do argue in front of your kids. Sometimes emotions run high and it is impossible to keep them contained. If this does happen, it is important to repair the damage, rather than simply brushing it under the carpet. You should tell your children that mom and dad love them both very much and that sometimes people disagree, but it does not mean that they do not love each other. You need to reassure your kids that you love them and that you love each other. This should help ease their worries and stop their mind from wandering.

Show affection

If you and your partner have argued, it is important to show your kids that everything is fine. Once the issue has been resolved and you are on good terms, make sure you show some affection in front of your children. Give each other a hug or enjoy some time laughing and having fun. Why not arrange a family trip so you can spend some quality time together? This will show your kids that the fight was nothing to worry about and that happy family life is restored. 

Find a solution

Last but not least, the only way to truly stop arguing in front of your children is to find a solution. Earlier, we spoke about finding help when you need it. Not all arguments require such drastic measures, but any sort of recurring fight does need to be addressed. Now would be a good time to get to the root of the conflict. Have a conversation with your partner when your kids aren’t around. It’s important to speak calmly with one another, and remember that it is not a competition - it is all about cooperation.