Last night, I found myself crying as I watched Fern-C kidz Mother's Day Tribute video posted on their Facebook Page. The video comes with a very striking caption which caught my attention.
"Isang tanong para sa lahat ng nanay, sigurado ka ba na sapat na ang alagang binibigay mo para kay chikiting?"
In the the video, this question was also asked, "Do you consider yourself as an ideal Mom?"
The video gave the emotional me so much feels and I can't help but contemplate on how I am doing as a Mom.
On being a first time mom
I was young when I became a first time mom. I don't know anything about it, I've struggled a lot, but you know what kept me going? It's the love that I have for my son. I never knew that I'm capable of loving this much until I became a mom.
On being a mom of 3
Now, I am a mom to 3 adorable kids. Tristan, Athena and Brianna. The transition from 1 child to 2 then 3 wasn't easy especially that we don't have a household helper. At first, I doubted my capability to be able to take care and love 3 kids at the same time but I've come to prove that, a mother's love is always whole no matter how many times divided. I may not provide them equal amount of attention because they all have different needs, but one thing is for sure, my heart is bursting with so much love for all three of them.
On being a full time mom
I've been a full time mom for more than 5 years and without a doubt, it's a handful. Just imagine 3 kids demanding my attention at the same time that I can't even look after myself anymore. Imagine sleepless nights and how each day could seem so long because of the never ending list of household chores. And, to say that "I'm tired" is an understatement. There are times when I lose control, I yell at my kids and even end up hurting them physically that my kids get scared of me, cry and say that I'm bad. I end up being hurt the most. Being a full-time mom could be stressful, but it's something that I am willing to do over and over again. My hands may be full but my heart is even fuller because, at the end of the day, I get rewarded with hugs, kisses, and so much love from this little people despite my shortcomings.
On being a working mom
As cliche as it is, but I only want what's best for my family. Kids are growing up, demands are getting higher so from full-time mom, I am now a working mom. There's nothing wrong in aiming for a better future for our family right? But how would I feel when my kids start crying whenever I leave for work. From not giving them the equal amount of attention to less time spent with them because I'm mostly out for work. Sometimes, I question myself. Am I doing the right thing?
I completely feel for all these mommies in the video, and as I watch them share their experiences, my tears start falling. And when it gets to the part where the kids share what they think about their mommies, I cried even more. Not because it's sad but because it made me think about the conversations I had with my kids.
Conversations I've had with my kids
I remember one day while I was helping Athena with her homework, I told her she needs to study well and she responded:
Athena: I will study hard so that I can grow up and be like you
Me: You want to be like mommy?
Athena : Because you're pretty and nice and you take care of us and you buy us many food!
While we were at the mall and I was checking out a dress, Tristan caught my attention when he said:
Tristan: When I become an engineer I'll buy you many dress mommy
Brianna, even though the youngest and the smallest (literally hehe) she never fails to make my heart melt. Out of nowhere, she just said:
Brianna: "I love you forever mommy"
There are also those conversations that would just give me that mom-guilt feeling.
Athena: Mommy where are you going?
Me: to work baby
Me: Yes baby
Athena: But who's going to stay with us?
Me: Ate Mary Jane
Athena: I want you
Me: baby you know I need to go to work
Athena: Can I come with you?
Me: Baby you can't, kids are not allowed there
Athena and Brianna: you keep on going to work
Me: I already explained why I need to go to work, right?
They would just cry and there was this one time when they even hide my ID and don't want to give it back to me.
I would just explain everything over again, sometimes bribe them with stuff they want. Gosh, it's so hard to get over mom-guilt feeling! Anyway, they still call me mommy (haha), I still get hugs, kisses and cute "I love you mommy" from them so I guess they do understand that whatever mommy is doing now, I'm doing it all for them.
So here's another thing that I realized after watching the video. "There's no ideal mom. We all have our own unique ways of parenting. And, it’s not always easy to give the best to our children, but know that our best will always be enough for them.”
Happy Mother's Day, Mommies!